Thursday, July 9, 2009

Paris Hilton Buys a New Douche

Unless you've been living in an area that doesn't afford it's inhabitants the luxury of an Internet connection, cable TV or newspapers then you're already fully aware of the fact that Paris Hilton brings the word "idiocy" to new and exciting heights. I'm talking rubber helmet levels of idiocy here people.

She's famous for not being famous, couldn't act if someone held a gun to that balloon she calls a head -- Repo! The Genetic Opera anyone? -- and made daddy proud when she was caught on night-vision pseudo-fucking some sack-scratching member of the Nuts On My Chin Club. She's also one of only a handful of people on the face of the entire planet able to kill people by simply talking, and if given the option of paper or plastic would undoubtedly choose purple.

But guys still flock to this walking canker sore in droves. Why? Is it the money? Is it just the idea of celebrity, or is there some other dark and evil force at work? She's not a particularly interesting person -- her father earned a ton of money by building hotels, she spends the shit out of it and sleeps upside down; excitement over -- so the the caliber of conversation is probably on par with talking to a calcified growth. It just doesn't make any sense damn it!

Now, to be fair, most of the guys she sinks her fangs into didn't exactly step off the cover of GQ -- just look at the shot above -- but I still don't understand why men are willing to stick their dicks into something that could, in all likelihood, swallow them whole. Douche bag or not a penis is something to be valued, not offered up as some kind of sacrifial frank just to be able to tell your friends you fucked an alien life form.

As cool as that might sound.

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