I'm sorry ladies, I love you and all -- well, at least the attractive ones -- but as much you like to think otherwise walking around in public with your bulbous, bloated belly on display is neither "beautiful," angelic" or any other adjective-cum-smoke screen your doctor and/or significant other uses to make you feel better about getting fat.
Bikinis are worn to entice men into thinking about sex -- seriously, there's simply no other practical reason to wear them, unless you're a fashion model, in which case they're still worn to entice women into buying them in order to entice men into thinking about sex -- and nothing kills a boner quite like the foreboding mental images of viscera and sand-speckled afterbirth.
UPDATE: Anyone have a catcher's mit handy?
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