Thursday, December 24, 2009

20 Signs You're a Big, Flapping Douche Bag

The epidemic known as Douchis Idiotis is spreading ladies and gentlemen, and the only way to combat this scourge on society is to kill it at its source. We have to stomp out this problem before it spreads even further, because before you know it the entire fucking male population will be sporting Crocs, getting manicures and spraying themselves down with tan in a can. But how do we know if our friends and family members are succumbing to this dreaded disease? The 20 signs -- with visual aids -- are:

20. You wear shades indoors. This applies to both men and women.

19. You go tanning. At any time. Ever.

18. You walk around indoors without a shirt on.

17. You sport a porcupine haircut, make ridiculous hand gestures at the camera or are otherwise in this picture.

16. You wax your eyebrows/chest/ass/ball sack.

15. You leave the house wearing just a wife beater. This applies to both men and women.

14. You should be at home nursing your swollen ankles but choose to "party" instead. Again, both men and women.

13. You put rims on a fucking Chevy Cavalier and tell anyone who will listen that it's "pimped out."

12. You have ever taken a picture of yourself without a shirt on for the sole purpose of putting it on the Internet.

11. You flash the peace sign in pictures while trying to look like a bad ass.

10. You're over the age of 5 yet still wear clothes with characters from kid's shows on them because you think it's "cute."

9. You flex your muscles in every picture you're in.

8. You spend more time at the gym than working an actual job. Unless you work at the gym, in which case your douchebaggery knows no bounds.

7. The shirt you're wearing would be tight on an infant.

6. You're this guy.

5. You pop your collar. Ever.

4. You purse your glossed lips in every picture ever taken of you.

3. You style your hair to resemble a fucking rooster.

2. You're whiter than the Arctic landscape but think you're a "thug."

And the number 1 sign you're a big, flapping douche bag:

You're a fan of and/or sympathize with these two mouth breathers.

Did I forget something? Have a sign you'd like to contribute? Well feel free to let fly in the comments section.


  1. classic post! Very funny stuff.

    I'd also like to add the wearing of crocs, men wearing pink polo's and the recent douchebag trend of wearing those ghey denim shorts that are rolled up above the knees.

  2. your a douchebag, for making a post about douchebags.

  3. i agree with anonymous