Eye Candy: Aida Yespica Topless On the Beach

According to Aida Yespica's Wiki page this yummy looking tart began her career (read: started making an obscene amount of money off mom and dad's genes) representing the state of Amazonas in the Miss Venezuela pageant back in 2002. She then went on to achieve cover girl status for mags like GQ and Maxim, but all of that shit pales in comparison to her appearance on the Italian version of Celebrity Survivor.

But fuck it, you don't care about any of that. You want to see some boobage, which you can find after the jump. Obviously these shots are totally NSFW.

Eye Candy: Just Some Random Cuties

If you're looking for more cuties just like these then click on over here.

Really Dude? I Mean Really!?

Jesus Christ hitting on a one-eyed dike, can this guy get any more self-involved? I would bet money that Choad the Wet Sprocket here makes out with himself in the mirror on a daily basis, and were it not for the fact that still images are exactly that we'd all be treated to a tongue session the likes of which haven't been seen since Not Another Teen Movie.

Funny flick that.

You Are a Bad, Bad Man

I don't know what the hell is going on in this picture, but rest assured it isn't taking place anywhere in the United States. If it was you can bet your sweet little ass that someone somewhere would have overreacted and placed a phone call or two to their local Fox of CNN affiliate.

I Don't Even Want to Know What He Does With That Gun

Dumb Ass + Treadmill + Bike = A Sanded Face

Eye Candy: Sienna Miller Topless

It might not be the best rack in the world, but anything is better than this steaming hot mess.

It Doesn't Get Much More Douche-Tastic Than This

If you look up "douche bag" in the dictionary you'll invariably see an image of this choad stroking jackass -- or a variation of the same -- glaring back at you. From the ridiculous tattoos to the hat cocked haphazardly on his melon of a head to the tighty whitey-exposing way he wears his pants everything this dickhead has going for him looks like it was taken from Carrot Top's Guide On How to Make People Point and Laugh.

If you resemble this goof in any way I invite you to put on a blindfold and go play in rush-hour traffic because you're a fucking idiot and you're using up valuable oxygen. Seriously, make it happen post haste.

Enter Bruised Lee

I don't know what's more hilarious, the fact that this guy fell flat on his ass attempting a high kick or his delusions of grandeur. Seriously, Bruised Lee here is as much a fighter as I am an influential black man.

Hi-YOW!

Nice Face Art Bicface

You'd think with all the time and effort this ding-dong put into styling his facial hair he could have at least done something with those caterpillars on his forehead.

Nice lightning bolt douche bag.

Drunk Fool Becomes a Human Dart Board

First let me just say that this guy is an absolute jackass. Nothing says "I failed third grade" more than some inebriated knucklehead allowing his "friends" to throw dangerous projectiles directly at his head.

With that being said I have a story for you. A while back my girlfriend and I paid a visit to her parents house, and during the course of sitting there and shooting the shit her father and I managed to polish off a 30-pack of Busch Light. Say what you will about the brand but alcohol is alcohol, and as we all know alcohol makes people do ridiculously silly things.

Fast forward a bit and her father is inexplicably standing about five feet away from me and holding a dart board about chest high. Me? Well, on top of burping like a fog horn and trying to keep myself upright I was also holding a dart. While drunk. And her dad was holding a dart board.

Bad joo-joo.

To make a long story short I cleared away the hops-induced fog long enough to suggest holding the dart board a little south of his chest -- as funny as it would have been I really would have hated to send him to the hospital with a punctured ball bag -- and just as he got the board in place I launched that little slice of pain. It sailed across the room like it was shot from a cannon, but instead of connecting safely with the board it implanted itself right in the fleshy part of the knee cap. Oops.

Needless to say he hopped around for a few minutes, and after I picked myself up off the floor -- I may have also pissed myself I was laughing so hard -- he tried to get me to hold the dart board next. I didn't, but that's not to say he doesn't remind me that it's "my turn" a minimum of ten times every time I've seen him since that day.

On those occasions I stick to Pepsi.

Eye Candy: Just Some Random Cutie

I wonder what daddy would think if he knew his little girl was taking slutty pictures of herself and posting them on the Internet. Eh, who gives a shit; what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Check out the rest of the gallery here.

INCOMING!

There's a new show on Tru TV called It Only Hurts When I Laugh, and the entire program contains clips of people doing dumb shit. You know, kind of like this genius. The other night there was a clip featured -- with numerous replays -- of an old man attempting to dive from a small hill into a body of water, only he glaringly misjudged the distance and fell well short of his target to the sand with an audible splat. I was relaxing in bed when I saw it, kicking back and idly smoking a cigarette, and up until that moment I had absolutely no idea how labored a simple task such as breathing could be until my brain was tasked with that, laughing and coughing up wafts of bluish-gray smoke at the same time.

If you haven't seen it I highly recommend checking it out, especially if you come here on a regular basis to laugh at the vast array of morons Mother Earth folds into her cold and unforgiving embrace.

I Bet This Guy Gets Tons of Ass

Sadly the title of this post contained not even a hint of hyperbole. This guy, with his fake tan and bleached teeth and professionally shaped eyebrows, probably scores more ass than a doctor's speculum. Granted, the type of women who allow a guy like this to put his penis anywhere near their bodies are typically shallow and tout less self-respect than Pamela Anderson, but to a complete and utter douche bag like this guy it's not about quality; it's about quantity. Seriously, this jackass could stuff his pork sword in Ms. Piggy and still consider it an accomplishment worthy of high-fives and Facebook updates.

Me? I like my women like I like my food: Warm, delicious and with as little hair as possible.

Silly Broad Kisses the Cupboard

I'm not exactly sure what this girl was hoping to achieve, but one thing's for sure: She's lucky she had airbags already deployed in the front and back, otherwise this really could have been a nasty accident.

And just as an aside, who the fuck slides across a linoleum floor in their undies? Too much to drink? Just a dizzy dame? Took her boyfriend's suggestion that she get off her ass and clean the floor a little too literally? Help me out here ladies and gentlemen.

Another Candidate For Douche Bag of the Year

Besides the glaring fact that this chooch has either A. Some of the worst implants one has ever seen, or B. He needs to lay of the spot injections, he also seems absolutely clueless to the prospect that, you know, he just might become a fucking laughing stock were he to actually upload this ridiculous marathon of douchebaggery to the Internet.

Luckily for us his brain doesn't match those bloated pecs.

NOTE: Make sure you tough it out until about the :53 mark to witness some of most cheese-tastic dance maneuvers since William-fuckin'-Hung. Oh, and if anyone is able to translate some of what he's saying please do everyone a favor and let it be known in the comments section. I bet it's gold.

They All Float

Question: How many McDonald's-stuffing, couch-busting, treadmill-melting chubs does it take to plug up a hot tub?

Answer: The redhead in the leopard-print top probably could have done the job with her right ass cheek, but for some reason these folks decided to wedge themselves into one like the cork in a fucking wine bottle. And the girl in the middle sans top?

Creamy filling.

This Guy Clearly Doesn't Get Laid

I'm not exactly sure what my man here is supposed to be doing, but I don't need to be knowledgeable in the intricacies of some stranger's fantasy in order to spot a call for help when I see it. A sad, lonely, pathetic call for help. Cue melodramatic voice-over:

But, much like the fabled tree, if a douche bag calls for help in the woods and no one is around to hear it does he really make a sound?

Scene.

A Triple Threat of Mind Numbing 'Bags

Have you ever had one of those dreams where, although you were in the throes of some wonderful and/or disturbing brain activity, you knew you were, in fact, sleeping? Well that's how I feel when I look at this picture. On one hand I know I'm sitting in front of my computer screen, fingers flitting about my keyboard and my dog rubbing her ass on the carpet. She's funny like that. On the other hand I feel like Ru Paul has invaded my head and is fully intent on raping the fuck out of my synapses in an effort to deposit his (her?) tortured seed into my ever-wavering psyche.

Then my dog does her best jet-ski impression across the floor and I'm snapped back into reality.

Cock-A-Doodle Dickhead

Ugh, pictures like this make me want to bark at my shoes. Turning himself into a walking punchline wasn't good enough for this douche bag; he had to infect yet another unsuspecting piece of ass.

Ah, no matter. There's plenty more where this little skeez came from.