Skank-A-Saurus Is Attacking the City

*shivers*

This is what haunts my nightmares. At least it will now. Jesus, what a nasty bitch. I bet she wipes her ass back-to-front.

It Doesn't Get Much More Douche-Tastic Than This

If you look up "douche bag" in the dictionary you'll invariably see an image of this choad stroking jackass -- or a variation of the same -- glaring back at you. From the ridiculous tattoos to the hat cocked haphazardly on his melon of a head to the tighty whitey-exposing way he wears his pants everything this dickhead has going for him looks like it was taken from Carrot Top's Guide On How to Make People Point and Laugh.

If you resemble this goof in any way I invite you to put on a blindfold and go play in rush-hour traffic because you're a fucking idiot and you're using up valuable oxygen. Seriously, make it happen post haste.

Another Candidate For Douche Bag of the Year

Besides the glaring fact that this chooch has either A. Some of the worst implants one has ever seen, or B. He needs to lay of the spot injections, he also seems absolutely clueless to the prospect that, you know, he just might become a fucking laughing stock were he to actually upload this ridiculous marathon of douchebaggery to the Internet.

Luckily for us his brain doesn't match those bloated pecs.

NOTE: Make sure you tough it out until about the :53 mark to witness some of most cheese-tastic dance maneuvers since William-fuckin'-Hung. Oh, and if anyone is able to translate some of what he's saying please do everyone a favor and let it be known in the comments section. I bet it's gold.

Beer Goggles Not Included

You know what the sad thing about this picture is? No, it's not the busted down broads or their pathetic attempt to hang on to their youth. No, the sad thing about this picture is someone probably got drunk enough that night to take one or both of them home. Can you imagine waking up with something like that on your arm. I'd chew the fucker off before I ran the risk of waking her up.

Me-Ohthatissomenastyshit!

Sometimes life gives you lemons, at which time it's best to suck those fuckers down whether you like them or not. Other times life gives you the picture above, at which time it's best to try and con your brain into believing it was never exposed to some beer-swilling douche bag with a tattoo of a cat's exposed asshole on his belly.

I said try.

Cock-A-Doodle Dickhead

Ugh, pictures like this make me want to bark at my shoes. Turning himself into a walking punchline wasn't good enough for this douche bag; he had to infect yet another unsuspecting piece of ass.

Ah, no matter. There's plenty more where this little skeez came from.

Illiterate Douche

For god's sake people, if you're going to get a quote of the day tattoo at least learn how to spell first. You'll still have a shitty tattoo, but at least you won't look like a fucking SPED while sporting it.

And just as an aside, SPED is short for special ed. Feel free to use it in a sentence today.

My Son the Douche Bag

After this picture was taken I imagine this poor woman doused herself in gasoline and lit herself on fire. Shame is a motherfucker.

The Most Tasteless Tattoo In the History of America

Unless you've been living under a rock -- or possibly in a cave, which isn't a stretch considering the domestic tendencies of the shitbags that perpetrated the atrocity in the first place -- for the past eight years then you'll immediately get why the owner of this tattoo should have his balls surgically removed from their sack and implanted onto his face.

If you don't get why this tattoo runs the gamut from tasteless to crude to downright crass then you're an idiot that has no business being allowed to use the Internet in the first place.

Go play in traffic or something.

A Douche Is a Douche, Even In Australia

Douche bags span the globe, from America to Australia and every malnourished shit-hole in between. If you were to hop on a plane right now and land that fucker on the first mud hut you came across you'd undoubtedly find some dickhead who drank too much river water and shot his pet goat with a poison dart because he thought it was funny. How do I know? Because I have an Internet connection. And because my good friend Mamadou told me.

Now these two choads are a prime example. I imagine them both standing there, getting piss drunk on XXXX and making obscene gestures at women, when the following conversation took place:

Douche Bag #1: "G'day mate. I see you weren't just actin' the goat yesterday when you said you were going to wear that to the lake."

Douche Bag #2: "Ay?"

DB #1: "You're away with the pixies, eh mate?"

DB #2: "Easy on mate, easy on. I'm gettin' pissed here."

DB #1: "That's a good bloke. Now pull your socks up, you look like a poofter."

DB #2: "Pull your head in mate, I'm lookin' for a root rat."

DB #1: "In that cozzie? Better not crack a fat."

DB #2: "Stop earbashing."

DB #1: "Well fuck it, there's a Sheila. Give it a burl."

DB #2: "No drama."

Douche Bag #2 walks up to a sultry woman in a thong bikini, and at the sight of his nut-crushing one-piece she immediately collapses to the sand in fits of uncontrollable laughter.

DB #2: "Fuck this mate, let's hit the turps. She wasn't the full quid anyway."

DB #1: "Too right!"

Undeterred, the two then high five each other and laugh obnoxiously. Douche bags are notoriously thick-skinned sons of bitches.