Did She Dried?

The above title was lifted from the comments section for the video you're about to watch, and the only reason I use it (other than it being the only humorous play on the annoying-as-fuck meme "did he died") is because I'm tired as hell and in no mood whatsoever to try and come up with something catchy on my own.

But, hey, whatever right? If millions of douche bags can steal (and beat to death) some other illiterate asshole's attempt at humor then why can't I steal some nameless 'net troll's attempt at being ironic?

And speaking of irony, how many of you out there have drank to the point of stupification (yeah, I made that shit up) and actually thought that mashing yourself into a clothes dryer seemed like a good idea? Really? You have? Well then you have something in common with this silly broad.

Ironic, eh? Video after the jump.

Eye Candy: Rumor WIllis' Big Ass In Tights

You know, as busted as this broad's face is I have to say that her ass stuffed into those tights has my ding-dong going all action-adventure while shouting "Yippee Ki-Yay Motherfucker!" And for those trying to paint a mental picture of my man-junk going action-adventure inside my pants, think the opening explosion in Die Hard With a Vengeance and you're about halfway there. Either that or stop thinking about my package all together. Freak.

For the rest of the series click here, and marvel at how an ass that scrumptious can belong on a body that also houses such an incongruous gob.

Lindsey Vonn Has the "Instinct" For Smokin' Hot Magazine Shoots

Most of you know Lindsey Vonn as the first American woman to win the gold medal in the downhill at the 2010 Winter Olympics (and if you didn't before you do now, ya knucklehead). Some of you might also know her as the girl that broke your heart, but that was back in high school when you were all awkward and didn't know how to talk to girls. Seriously dude, don't blame yourself.

Well thanks to ESPN The Magazine after today you'll also know Little Miss Vonn as the girl who took Sharon Stone's iconic role in Basic Instinct, wrapped it in a dynamite coat, blew it the fuck up and then stomped all over the resulting carnage. And yes, she even shows us the money shot (albeit inadvertently and while wearing some pretty white panties).

Super-duper sexy behind-the-scenes video with said panty shot is after the jump, and please do everyone a favor and try not to get any on yourself. Pervert.

Eye Candy: Aida Yespica Topless On the Beach

According to Aida Yespica's Wiki page this yummy looking tart began her career (read: started making an obscene amount of money off mom and dad's genes) representing the state of Amazonas in the Miss Venezuela pageant back in 2002. She then went on to achieve cover girl status for mags like GQ and Maxim, but all of that shit pales in comparison to her appearance on the Italian version of Celebrity Survivor.

But fuck it, you don't care about any of that. You want to see some boobage, which you can find after the jump. Obviously these shots are totally NSFW.

Julie Bowen's Twins Are Hungry; Why Not Post It On the Internet

I'm torn between being jealous of a couple of boob suckers and being a little disgusted that this broad felt the need to post this shit on the Internet. I'd actually be pissed if this wasn't such a blatant attempt at garnering some e-attention (or ettention; go ahead and use it on your friends). Nice rack though. Kind of NSFW image after the hump. . .I mean jump.

Amy Winehouse Is a Filthy-Looking Bitch. . .

. . .but I bet she gives some killer gob. I mean come on, look at her. No girl can look that fucking horrifying without compensating with some hidden talent or another, and considering she's been pricked (tee-hee) with more needles than a pin cushion her box is probably dryer than the Sahara. Banging that shit would be like beating off with 10-grit sandpaper.

Eye Candy: More Kim Kardashian Bikini Goodness (Now With Ass Crack!)

Eye Candy: Kim Kardashian In a Bikini

This broad is Paris Hilton with tits, but as long as she kept her mouth shut and was up for all manner of sexually deviant behavior -- for some reason donkey punch comes to mind -- then she'd be allowed to sleep in my room.

On the floor of course, but I'd be a gentleman and let her use a pillow.

Eye Candy: Kate Gosselin's Yummy Milk Bags

She may dance like an epileptic giraffe and makes a shit-ton of money by generally being a nuisance, but I'll be dipped in shit and set on fire if this woman doesn't have one of the most luscious racks this side of Lindsay Lohan. Go ahead, lie your ass off and say you wouldn't.

Skank-A-Saurus Is Attacking the City

*shivers*

This is what haunts my nightmares. At least it will now. Jesus, what a nasty bitch. I bet she wipes her ass back-to-front.

Eye Candy: Sophie Monk All Kinds of Nip-Tastic

In my next life I want to be a bikini. But not one that belong to a fatty. Fatties are gross.

Eye Candy: Victoria Silvstedt In a Skimpy Bikini

Victoria Silvstedt is yummy. So is her friend. That is all.

You Forgot to Smile

Do you think these three aren't smiling because they're trying to look cool or because just before the shot was snapped they realized just how fucking ridiculous they looked? The only thing this picture needs is some greased up, popped collar douche bag and it would be complete.

Eye Candy: Vida Guerra's Birthday Rack

She's a butterface in the classic sense of the word, but with a set like that does it really matter?

I mean pillow cases aren't just for pillows if you know what I mean.