Did She Dried?

The above title was lifted from the comments section for the video you're about to watch, and the only reason I use it (other than it being the only humorous play on the annoying-as-fuck meme "did he died") is because I'm tired as hell and in no mood whatsoever to try and come up with something catchy on my own.

But, hey, whatever right? If millions of douche bags can steal (and beat to death) some other illiterate asshole's attempt at humor then why can't I steal some nameless 'net troll's attempt at being ironic?

And speaking of irony, how many of you out there have drank to the point of stupification (yeah, I made that shit up) and actually thought that mashing yourself into a clothes dryer seemed like a good idea? Really? You have? Well then you have something in common with this silly broad.

Ironic, eh? Video after the jump.

Ho-Ho-Holy Shit, How Did I Wake Up With My Pants Down?

Jesus Harold Christ, can you believe Christmas is right around the corner? It seems like just yesterday I was snapping shots of unsuspecting women sunbathing in their backyards. My, how time flies.

(NOTE: If you're ever in a position where you think getting just a little bit closer to a half-conscious, half naked girl is worth it to "get a better angle," do yourself a favor and stay put. For some reason hovering over a bikini-clad babe while snapping pictures of her ass is frowned upon by pretty much everyone. Who knew neighborhood watch was a real thing?)

Anyway, here we are once again, when the kids are even more obnoxious and your alcoholic parents make even bigger assholes of themselves. Thanks Budweiser!

And speaking of obnoxious alcoholics, check out the Santa impersonator below. Seems like the ol' Christmas "cheer" was imbibed quite liberally at the North Pole this year. Either that or The Grinch spiked Mr. Claus' eggnog, which, as we all know, The Grinch is apt to do. Last year I caught him in bed with my girlfriend.

At least I think it was him. The Grinch is black right? Video after the jumpety-jump-jump, jumpety-jump.

Bag, Meet Bag

I don't even need to comment on this video clip. Just kick back and let the funny force fuck your eyeballs. Seriously, don't fight it; you're going to love it.

Fatty Can't Fly

I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the SPLAT!

Have a Nice Trip

Hey, at least my man got on TV. Some people try their whole lives to get on camera and never make it.

The Friday Ker-Plunk

• The creepiest broad I've seen since Wednesday morning. 151 is a bitch I tell you.
• Dude shoots a stream of fire from his ass. No more Bell for you my man.
• The grim ginger is at it again.
• One of these things doesn't belong.
• Boobies and kittens. Boobies. And. Kittens.
• Link Froggy. Ribbit.
• Dakota Fanning is almost there. Give it a few more years and she'll be primed.
• Jenni Hendrix and Taylor Vixen are in heat and half naked. Go see.
• Shay LaRen flaunting those huge, floppy milk bags. She's also wearing leather boots.
• More naughty girlfriends with great asses. Great I say.
• Go vote for your favorite slutty girlfriend and see if you can't win her some money. Or something.
• Nothing more classy than a fat hillbilly going down on Paul Bunyan.
• Look! They made a movie about your early years.
• The UFC gets banned in Germany. Apparently that whole Nazi thing left a bad taste in their mouths.
• The NHL needs more women in bikinis. Now.

Sure, That Makes Sense

In other news: Rapist Receives 30 Days of Community Service at Victoria's Secret, Man Convicted of Habitual Reckless Driving Ordered to Undergo Driver's Training and Neighborhood Watch Program Receives New Shutters.

Come back next week when we interview a woman who refuses to pay for a psychiatrist to help with her "personal issues" but spends hundreds of dollars a month at the tanning salon.

Wasted Bastard Gets His Mow On

Hey, ever wonder what you look like while slamming a Big Mac after a night of Wild Turkey? Well wonder no longer my booze-fueled friends, because I've been kind enough to post a video showing exactly that. Granted, it looks like my man here is choking down some Subway, but when it comes to filling the hole after a night of trying to score some there really is no comparison. It all works.

The Friday Ker-Plunk

• Seriously people, it's only a fucking video game.
• Susana Spears + the great outdoors + t & a = one hot photo shoot.
• A soccer ball you can fuck. No, really.
• Even victims of spousal abuse need a little motivation sometimes.
• Teresa Palmer looking tit-tastic on the red carpet.
• Ferfucksakes! Can you blonde women do anything right?
• Here, have some slut stew.
• A Viagra commercial they should have used.
• Blonde knockout Scarlett showing off that luscious rack of hers.
• Tons of hot girlfriends are awaiting your vote.
• Shit! I think I see my ex in there!
• Some Elizabeth Hurley no bra see-through action.
• Chuck Liddell has finally lost his shit.
• It's official: Women all over the world do dumb shit.

Giving New Meaning to the Term Shitfaced

As gross as this mud mask may seem there's probably people out there that intentionally rub horse shit all over there faces in an attempt to slow down Father Time. Either that or they have a serious mental disorder and are into scat.

Poor thing; this is one facial she'll never forget.

Model Sues Over Uneven Implants

Someone is inevitably going to look at this picture and say something earth-shattering like "dude, that shit is so fake" or "LOLZ You think that's real what an idiot," to which I say:

Thanks for that stellar observation. You should be a private detective.

Heckler Gets Verbally Raped by Comedian

Note to douche bag hecklers everywhere: If you're at a comedy show and insist on talking shit from the audience do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to be suckered into a verbal pissing contest. Seriously, if a comedian invites you on stage you've already lost, so do yourself a favor and shut your mouth. Otherwise you're going to end up looking like a total fucking jackass in front of the skank you're trying to bang that night and the video of you taking a lingual dong in your butt is going to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Bottom line: No ass, a battered ego and the kind of shame usually reserved for politicians and David Hasselhoff.

Reality Show Contestant's Tit Implant Explodes

Not that I take pleasure in watching someone suffer (he said with a shit eating grin on his face) but just the mere thought of some shallow twat's manufactured mammary exploding inside her skin is enough to send me into fits of uncontrollable, finger-pointing, that's-what-you-get laughter. The fact that there's a video? That, my friends, is just cherry-topped cheese cake.

"Sorry 'bout your titties."

Fucking priceless.

This Coffee Mug Has Shit Written All Over It

I don't know about you, but the mere thought of drinking a shit-colored fluid out of a toilet shaped coffee mug is enough to put me off the caffeinated drink for a very long time. As a matter of fact I just dumped an entire cup down the drain because I couldn't get past the fact that it looked like something that comes out of a person's ass after a night of drinking Jager bombs.

Thanks a lot fuckers, whoever you are.

Dude Scares the Shit Out of His Friend

Hey, at least the guy was already sitting on the toilet. I've heard of people being pranked in similar ways who ended up having to change their undies after it was all said and done.

I'm not speaking from personal experience of course. I just happen to know someone who knows someone that has happened to.

The Birth of An Internet Legend

Funny Makeup Tutorial - Watch more Funny Videos
You know, some days you just have to put all your personal bullshit aside and let the funny move you. This is one of those days.

"Hello, my name Gumba'tu. Me teach you to do Kwing Kong makeup."

Internet gold right there my friends. Internet. . .fucking. . .gold.

NOTE: Am I the only one who finds her cute in a developmentally-disabled-oversize-newborn-baby kind of way?

How Jenna Jameson Got Her Start

Most people think that Jenna Jameson got her start while stripping or by giving twenty-something male listeners boners on the Howard Stern Show, but they're wrong. She actually got her start in fuck pictures after a porn director saw her tonguing the shit out of a Strawberry Surprise ice cream cone. He also liked how she pretended to be enjoying it.

Douche Bag of the Year Gets His Own Parody

Guido Guy Wants to Fight (Parody) - Watch more Funny Videos
It's been a long Labor day weekend -- lots of beer, 6-foot bonfires and if you were lucky enough maybe even a sloppy drunk "friend of the family" willing to show you her new tattoo -- but I must insist that you turn your brain pans back on for a while in order to appreciate the sheer level of awesome about to cook the fuck out of your gray matter.

Remember this dickhead? Well you know you've made it big when your shit gets parodied so hard it wakes up two days later in a dank and musty basement and in dire need of a rape kit.

And just as an aside if anyone knows the chooch from the original video I'd love for you to show him this. Oh, and make sure you catch his reaction on camera.

I'm always in need of cannon fodder.

H/T to Eric for the video.