Saturday, June 19, 2010

Later, War Machine

The uber-douche known around the MMA world as War Machine -- that's his real name by the way; he had it legally changed from Jon Koppenhaver -- is going to be kicking back for about a year in the county jail for his involvement in the above video, and all I can say about that is: It's not enough time.

This guy is beyond a menace, and were it not for the fact that he's a trained mixed martial artist his entire existence would be about as useful as your fucking appendix. He was kicked out of the UFC for talking shit about the death of fellow UFC fighter Evan Tanner, he tried his, uh, hand in the porn business before attacking his fellow porn "actors" during a party, and got arrested on another occasion for his involvement in a brawl inside a gay nightclub. Yeah, he's a total fucking tool.

Said Machine -- Christ, I can barely bring myself to type that -- on his Twitter feed about his time off from life:

"Weak! Looks like Ill be doing a year in San Diego County jail. Prolly gonna go in about 2 weeks..ugh. Gonna be SO boring! No delicious food, no training, no wifee, no friends. Whatever tho when I get out my partners and I will be opening our sick gym in Austin Texas and Ill be righ back to fighting. Jail is DUMB. All it does is press the PAUSE button on your life. What's it supposed to teach you? Anyway, who knows some bad ass books I should read!?"

So what's this guy's deal? Is it because he didn't get enough hugs as a child? Does he have some chemical imbalance in his brain that causes him to act out in totally inappropriate manners? Or is it because a chimp mistook his head for a football and tried to fuck it?

Who knows, and honestly who cares? Get rid of this jackass before he does something that can't be undone. One year for being a savage? And to think there are people serving more time than that for selling a plant that makes you feel good.

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