Later, War Machine

The uber-douche known around the MMA world as War Machine -- that's his real name by the way; he had it legally changed from Jon Koppenhaver -- is going to be kicking back for about a year in the county jail for his involvement in the above video, and all I can say about that is: It's not enough time.

This guy is beyond a menace, and were it not for the fact that he's a trained mixed martial artist his entire existence would be about as useful as your fucking appendix. He was kicked out of the UFC for talking shit about the death of fellow UFC fighter Evan Tanner, he tried his, uh, hand in the porn business before attacking his fellow porn "actors" during a party, and got arrested on another occasion for his involvement in a brawl inside a gay nightclub. Yeah, he's a total fucking tool.

Said Machine -- Christ, I can barely bring myself to type that -- on his Twitter feed about his time off from life:

"Weak! Looks like Ill be doing a year in San Diego County jail. Prolly gonna go in about 2 weeks..ugh. Gonna be SO boring! No delicious food, no training, no wifee, no friends. Whatever tho when I get out my partners and I will be opening our sick gym in Austin Texas and Ill be righ back to fighting. Jail is DUMB. All it does is press the PAUSE button on your life. What's it supposed to teach you? Anyway, who knows some bad ass books I should read!?"

So what's this guy's deal? Is it because he didn't get enough hugs as a child? Does he have some chemical imbalance in his brain that causes him to act out in totally inappropriate manners? Or is it because a chimp mistook his head for a football and tried to fuck it?

Who knows, and honestly who cares? Get rid of this jackass before he does something that can't be undone. One year for being a savage? And to think there are people serving more time than that for selling a plant that makes you feel good.

Amy Winehouse Is a Filthy-Looking Bitch. . .

. . .but I bet she gives some killer gob. I mean come on, look at her. No girl can look that fucking horrifying without compensating with some hidden talent or another, and considering she's been pricked (tee-hee) with more needles than a pin cushion her box is probably dryer than the Sahara. Banging that shit would be like beating off with 10-grit sandpaper.

Giving New Meaning to the Term "Ass Face."

I. Have. No. Words.

And the sad part is these people actually used their fucking brains and came up with the idea. Mankind is doomed.

Skank-A-Saurus Is Attacking the City

*shivers*

This is what haunts my nightmares. At least it will now. Jesus, what a nasty bitch. I bet she wipes her ass back-to-front.

Just Because: What a Broken Ankle Looks Like

This little bit of nastiness happened last night when Darren Elkins went for a double-leg take-down on Duane Ludwig during their UFC on Versus bout. When Ludwig tried to stuff the attempt the two fighters fell in a heap, and the above shot was the result. Ouch, eh? Elkins had this to say to UFC.com after the fight:

"I felt him tap so I knew something was wrong. Then I seen on the big screen that his leg was snapped. It sucks to win a fight like this. I wanted to put on a show. It's an unfortunate event but these things happen in fighting all the time."

Apparently the injury could be career-ending, which probably hurts more than the injury itself. Back to the drawing board for Ludwig.

Sick World

Sadly this doesn't even surprise me anymore.

The Friday Ker-Plunk

• The creepiest broad I've seen since Wednesday morning. 151 is a bitch I tell you.
• Dude shoots a stream of fire from his ass. No more Bell for you my man.
• The grim ginger is at it again.
• One of these things doesn't belong.
• Boobies and kittens. Boobies. And. Kittens.
• Link Froggy. Ribbit.
• Dakota Fanning is almost there. Give it a few more years and she'll be primed.
• Jenni Hendrix and Taylor Vixen are in heat and half naked. Go see.
• Shay LaRen flaunting those huge, floppy milk bags. She's also wearing leather boots.
• More naughty girlfriends with great asses. Great I say.
• Go vote for your favorite slutty girlfriend and see if you can't win her some money. Or something.
• Nothing more classy than a fat hillbilly going down on Paul Bunyan.
• Look! They made a movie about your early years.
• The UFC gets banned in Germany. Apparently that whole Nazi thing left a bad taste in their mouths.
• The NHL needs more women in bikinis. Now.

You Have Got to Be Kidding Me

Some people are undoubtedly going to see this video and feel sorry for this broad. Not I. You see, this ridiculous waste of space did that to herself, so the only ones I feel sorry for are the people who are footing the bill while she sits on her plump ass and collects public assistance. Call me an asshole, call me an uncaring son of a bitch, or call me a piece of shit. But don't, for the love of god, call me to help lift this woman when she keels the fuck over and dies.

The Friday Ker-Plunk

• Corey Haim is dead and this is what he left to the world.
• Sexy, slutty, sweaty and sultry cheerleaders.
• Sexy -- and one not-too-sexy unless you're into big green things -- babes in t-shirts.
• This is what Pac-Man should have looked like.
• Easily the most cringe-inducing toilet paper dispenser in the history of doo-doo.
• Jessica Simpson bent over and showing that deep cleavage.
• Cute college girl Michelle. She's a freshman, which means she's up for all kinds of dirty shit.
• Rope: For those times she says no.
• GotGisele is live, and her rack is massive.
• Erin Marie Hogan topless in Paranormal Entity.
• Kim Kardashian's big, fat ass in FHM Australia.
• Amateur girlfriend's with juicy booties.
• Does this naughty amateur deserve your vote? Click through and find out.
• Find tons of hot, lonely women in your area looking for a fling. No shit.
• Alistair Overeem has no problem with kicking a little girl.
• Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland blows. Here's proof.
• Sexy cutie shakes her tight little booty.

Just Because: Miguel Torres' Forehead Vagina

This little bit of nastiness happened on Saturday night at WEC 47 when Joseph Benavidez opened up a geyser on Miguel Torres' forehead before ending his night with a guillotine choke. Nice eh?

A view of the inside of Torres' forehead -- as well as the stitched up aftermath -- is after the jump, so if you're eating -- or are thinking about eating within the next couple of hours or so -- or sitting in your cubicle at work then I highly suggest giving it a little time and then coming back later. Seriously, shit ain't pretty yo.

Stay Classy Baby

Ten bucks to the person that comes up with the best caption for this photo. Seriously.

Crazy Prick Gets Stab Happy; No One Steps In To Help

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you exhibit A as to the lengths to which people will go to not have their perfect little lives affected by anything not directly involving them. Here we see some bat-shit crazy Chinaman getting stab-happy on anything with two legs, and as you can clearly see in the video not a single motherfucker steps in to help stop the violence.

This is why my stance on human decency -- or indecency -- hasn't and will never change. People are pieces of shit, and just because we have vocal cords and drive fancy cars doesn't mean we're any different from our club-swinging ancestors.

Queen's Guard Shows Tourists What He Thinks of Them

Damn, my man there has guts. Literally. Not only did he continue on with his assigned duties after he barked at his shoes but he didn't even wipe his fucking mouth. I bet if you gave that guy any grief he'd shove his fist up your ass and walk you around like a hand puppet.

And just for the record these guys see action in Afghanistan and Iraq with those very same rifles, so anyone who thinks the guns are fake and that the guards are pussies needs to ball up before they talk any shit.

Wasted Bastard Gets His Mow On

Hey, ever wonder what you look like while slamming a Big Mac after a night of Wild Turkey? Well wonder no longer my booze-fueled friends, because I've been kind enough to post a video showing exactly that. Granted, it looks like my man here is choking down some Subway, but when it comes to filling the hole after a night of trying to score some there really is no comparison. It all works.

Mother of the Year This Woman Ain't

First let me just say that if you're easily upset or have a problem watching the depths to which human beings can sink then you might want to give this video a pass. Still here? Okie-dokie, but don't say I didn't warn you.

According to the news wire:

CCTV footage made available to the media yesterday shows the moment a Territory mother is alleged to have thrown her baby on to a concrete footpath.

Yesterday, the NT News told how a Darwin court lifted a suppression order on the film but refused to release it even though it was played in an open court last week.

It is alleged that the footage from the Palmerston bus exchange shows a woman throwing her 10-month-old baby on the ground after her partner left on a bus without her.

The woman - who cannot be named to protect the identity of the baby - pleaded not guilty to recklessly endangering serious harm to the child in Darwin Magistrates Court on Friday.

It is alleged she was drunk and had been arguing with her partner when she threw the baby.

In a police interview played to the court, she said she was "wild" with her partner and wanted to go home when she "dropped" the baby before others she was drinking with tried to take him away from her in May last year. Police found her and arrested her a little later.

Journalists from three media outlets sat in court while the video was played, but it was not until Friday afternoon and the video had been approved to be released that Dr Lowndes made an order suppressing its publication.

He closed the court while submissions were made on the suppression orders, and again when he gave his reasons for the orders.

He also closed the court while a lawyer representing the NT News argued for the orders to be revoked on Monday morning.

On Monday afternoon the NT News was told the footage would not be released.

But yesterday morning - after the story had been published - the video was released for publication and was made available to all media.

The woman's hearing will continue in June.

Now I've seen some pretty nasty business in my 31 years -- from shootouts to murders and everything in between -- but never have I seen such a blatant disregard for human decency and compassion than in the above video. Seriously people, what the fuck is wrong with some of you?

Typically I just take shit in and chalk it up to stupidity or some other form of inbred abnormality, but the woman in the video is neither human nor abnormal. She's a total abomination. If this is the type of thing she does in front of onlookers I can only imagine what passes for punishment in her twisted form of reality. And to plead not guilty with such a glaring contradiction staring her right in the face? Balls my friends. Big, brass balls.

I'll tell you this much; it was a good thing there were people there to stop her, because you can plainly see she was getting ready to spike that poor kid like a football.

Most of the time I'm wont to let the courts sort through their business but I don't think I'm alone in saying the legal process should be thrown out the window in this case and we should all take a few hours off of being calm and rational in order to pick up a rock or five and take aim at her maladjusted head.

Giving New Meaning to the Term Shitfaced

As gross as this mud mask may seem there's probably people out there that intentionally rub horse shit all over there faces in an attempt to slow down Father Time. Either that or they have a serious mental disorder and are into scat.

Poor thing; this is one facial she'll never forget.

Start Your Monday w/ a Little Less Class

Listen ladies, you can be as attractive as your genes allow with a brain more powerful than Albert-fucking-Einstein, but if you're over the age of five and have ever been caught on camera purposely exposing a wad of half-chewed food from your gaping maw then you're a classless piece of shit.

It's disgusting, highly juvenile and quite possibly the reason you're still single. Knock it off stupid.